Pain

Well,what does the picture above tells you?..Before I go on,the above picture is about the popular vampire love story written by Stephanie Meyer and the 1st book,TWILIGHT has been a hit on the teatres recently.Its about the love of a vampire,an immortal towards a mortal,just a normal girl he met in school.Lets be realistic,this of course is certainly fiction as vampires do not exist in our world.Many hope that it would be true that this guy above,Edward Cullen exist in our world.I too hope that I could become him,so cold,handsome,hard and sweet.Who wouldn't. Although its just fiction,the love between these two people is actually the same in real life.It is the same thing as what we are experiencing or about to experience.True love.But wait a minute,can someone actually be as perfect as edward,be as cool and sweet as him in reality.Maybe there is,but it is certainly rare.You see edward isn't perfect.He is vulnerable and has weaknesses just as any other human,just as his beloved Bella.Even if you are an immortal now,would you be happy with that life,would you be perfect as you imagine now,imagining yourself in edward's place.Yes,maybe at the beginning you'll be overjoyed,you'll say"I can run as fast as lightning and can jump across buldings,I can read people's minds and I can see and hear sharply".Yes,you certainly have extra abilities and capabilities but would you be happy?You no longer are human,you no longer live human,you are different and scary for humans.You must live alone,isolated from reality.

But one thing remains the same the love you feel towards someone.Even if your mortal or immortal it doesn't change,it exists and it will remain to exist in your entire life.So,actually there's no point being him,Edward.If you can live forever,what do you live for?..You see.. what will you actually live for?..You still experience pain even if you are hard and cold as rock.The heart ache of not touching your beloved,afraid that she will crumble under your fingers is the most painful thing you will ever experience.The pain to see her crying,not able to touch and comfort her hurts and cuts deeper into your heart.You are suffering when you want to be Edward.So,stop dreaming..wake up and face reality.He is just as any other people but only a few exceptions for him.

But it is difficult for me to wake up and face reality.I hate reality,I hate the reality that I can't run,I hate the reality that my secrets are exposed,I hate every minute,every second of it,I hate the masked people around me,I HATE IT!...Just to be in a dream,to be Edward is all I can ask for.To be perfect.Yes,to be PERFECT is what I always wanted.Just a dream I reminded myself. But every time I open my eyes being him,I feel happy and whole again.Finally,IM ACTUALLY PERFECT.

A Guy's Heartache

Sometimes in life,you will not always get what you want,what you want might be possible to acquire but is it right for you to have it is just another question in hand.Is it right to follow your heart and just go after that dream of yours,to follow your selfishness or is it right to think rationally and to abandon whatever dream you have in mind just for the better.I would not know because I had not experience such a situation in my life before.Is is that hard to let go?Is it that difficult to put my selfishness aside just for the better for you and me?I do not know.Is it?

I always dreamed of being a runner..oh how I ran,how i impress people with my speed,how people voice out their praises to me,dreamed of being like me.Its just a dream anyway.My friends could run.Yes they could.They are even smart,they lead clubs,organisations and prefectorial board.Yes,yes these was what I always wanted.Till now.It started last Thursday when I went out with four of friends to watch a movie.They have capabilities that I will not deny and oh how I wanted them too.But on that day,I had so much fun laughing,talking,crapping up stupid jokes together with them and I realised that capabilities do not matter as how much I wanted to be with them everyday of my life.Just talking with them makes me happy.Happiness I realised was what I lacked in my life.It doesn't matter if they are talented or capable anymore,I like them for who they are,they are my friends and I know it.I do not mind if they hate me in their hearts because I know I do not hate them but I actually like them being around me.What matters is they treat me well,they treat me as a friend of their own,they make me feel special about myself even though I am not.After 4 years,..so very long for me to realise that it is important to spend time with them,to go out,to fool around,to play sports together but now there is only 1 year left to go.I would very much like to share my time with them for this very last year and I really really hope that they feel the same way too.

Equal Happiness

"A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can yo...u say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?"-Marley&Me-Josh Grogan

I just finished watching Marley&Me today,though its a 2008 movie,it doesn't matter because what I've learnt from this movie is so much more worth it than the due date.To the people who have not watch this movie,you better watch it because its just a great movie about the life and love of a family and a wonderful and a wonderful and loyal dog name Marley.You see Marley its just like any other dog,it may not be special,smart or perfect to people but to its owner it is certainly one of a kind.It is the same for those who own dogs,we will always treat our dogs as a special and great dog.It doesnt matter if its cute or not,what matters is that if you care for it,it will do the same to you.That is how i feel about my dog and that is how I am going to keep it forever.Although its just a stray dog,but I certainly do not mind because I love her and she loves me too.That is what matters in life.How useless am I in life,I do not feel like this around my dog because she makes me feel special,extraodinary and loved.How many people can really do this for you?Friends?Its just so rare and uncomfortable at times.Dogs are not just a pretty face where you adore them when their puppies and dump them when they are old.They are just like any other humans and surprisingly they are even better than some.They can be understanding although they can't talk.When your sad or down,they will just look up at you with their hopeful eyes and tell us that everything is ok.

Marley,The Clearance Puppy

Marley at the beach

Marley messed up the garaj..=)..cute


Marley looking up at the camera..


Marley Big Boy

Liar..

Hey folks,I decided to do 2posts today as I feel very guilty and would certainly like to express my hate towards myself.I know many won't be reading this but what can be done.Its your choice eh,not mine.So i won't be forcing any of you to read this or grumble over this crap cause Im emo.No I wont.OK,I am a liar.So, don believe what Ive written above,Its not true..=P..zz..lame..What I want to say is Ive been lying to myself from the beginning and I do not want to continue lying anymore as it doesnt help anything...2bad.><..I want to be a footballer,a guitarist,a drummer,a pianist,a debater,the top student in Malaysia,know bout cars and cool gadjets after seeing many people doing so.I thought well,I can also be like them if I work and study hard.But it's just a lie.I've tried and tried,practice and practice but no result at all,maybe I should just accept the fact that Im not talented.I always thought that with hard work,I can do anything.Everyone says this but sadly to say its a lie.I want to run like an athlete can.I went jogging every day but it doesnt help.Haiz, I think that every one is born with their own capabilities and if you can't do it means you can't.Its just fate.Am I the only one who is born without any talents?..maybe,I wouldnt know.Its sad,always have to stand around the corner while you watch your friends perform.Watching your friend run a 100m sprint while you sit there like a big fat blob helplessly.Watching your friend on stage performing as a band in front of a wild crowd.That is so cool.Ive always dreamt of being good at something.Anything,jus anything, if only people had given me the chance or the support.Unfortunately,people just care about themselves most of the time.

Back to the old times

Hey,peeps..=)..Im back once again after err 5 months..sry guys..been busy with my pathetic life but now Im back to share with u guys more about my pathetic life.

The past 5 months I have done nothing much except for studying,eating,sleeping,thinking about how miserable my life is as a teenager,spending time with friends,making new enemies and haven't change one bit.I just sat for my 2nd monthly exam and am very disappointed with my grades especially my bio and sj.But theres nothing I can do about it.Whats done is done and unfortunately I have to face the consequences.What I do later on doesn't matter anymore.It cant change my grades.No,it cant but it certainly can change the grades for the next exam that is coming up..=).. yea yea.screw this optimistic crap..but yet nothing matters anymore.Ive failed and I know it.Everyone knows it.No where to hide,no where to run.Just have to suck it up and live with it.

Well,this Tuesday morning,woke up at 6.00am,cleaned up and prepared for school as usual.Nothing great,just another routine in every teen's life eh..Sad as usual tat morning,did my crappy prefects duty moodily and just stood at the garage looking at the students assemble at that chilly morning.zzz..my school's prefects system is stupid like hell..rountine C it is said..and all I have to do is just stand and take care of the teacher's cars like some freaking servant.OK, screw the prefects,dont give a damn bout it.After assembly,entered the class and sat next to my deskmate,with no reason I find it uncomfortable to talk to him..=(..and even worst,he read about me talking bad about him on my blog.Crap,that gotta hurt.I'm hurt too cause I'm the one who made the mistake in posting my anger in my blog.I'm deeply sorry.When he told me,I was embarassed and speechless.Nothing to say at all.But deep down,I know how he feels and I dont blame him for hating me.Everything I do is my fault.Every single thing I try to help or do will turn out disastrous and it is all my fault.All me.Everything me.Do you know how difficult for me to fit in?No,you dont.Do you know how much I want to go back in time and just change my life? Do you know how much I hate myself?..No,no,no no one knows.Even if you hate me now,it doesnt matter cause I already hate myself and that wouldnt affect me one bit.

I just want to go back.Go back in being a baby.Grow normally,live normally,not like what Im doing now.Pathetic!.As I sat in class that very morning and looked around at each and every of my classmates,I thought wow,they can run real fast,they are real atheletes.They can sing so sweetly.They can play the guitar,the drums so well.They have a relationship that they can indulge themselves into.They have a band.They can talk so well and make funny jokes.They play football together like best pals.They know about cars,handphones,bikes.Then,finally I look at myself,what am I?.Im just a failure,a broken toy,a quitter among them.Back to the old days,I was a pianist,I was a swimmer,I was a tennis player,I was an artist..but what am I today. Nothing at all,just a hollow shell filled with pain and misery.What have I turn to?..I no longer care like when Im back in the old times.Im filled with hate,jealousy,anger.I cheat to win and I lie and lie to get what I want.What have I become?.Why is this happening to me?..Nothing matters anymore as what I touch now in the end just turns into sheer dust.

Pain?

Most people resort to pain when they are undergoing stress,depressed or is unhappy about something..they tend to inflict pain on themselves just to feel glad,relieved and good..will it work?? I don't know..how would I?..Maybe I could give it a try...As I sat in tuition class today(Hamdan), I held a blade in my hand,flickering it around..wondering how does it feel to see blood oozing out of the cut made on my hand...how does it feel to experience pain...I took the pen I was writing with and pressed it forcely into my skin..it felt great and painful eventhough its just a pen......if a pen can be that great a feeling,how does a blade feel like then?..I wonder..If your heart feels so heavyhow do we let it out...shout at the top of the mountains,murder someone,sex,suicide,pain...what and how?..I don't know what is hardship,I don't understand love,I don't understand how friendship works..so how can I judge...why must I feel so heavy hearted when I don't understand anything at all..am I retarded and crazy?..or am I just thinking too much like a girl?..

A moody morning...

Woke up at 6.00am..still on the bed laying down..staring at the ceiling thinking...just thinking about how schools gona be...how can I get through another day without humiliating myself or getting in anyone's nerves....It was raining heavily outside and this was indeed a good sight...raining means no assembly,meaning no duty...YES!!..I was so glad that I went back to sleep and cuddle under my blanket..zzz...6.15am my mum woke me up ask to go and wash up...walked up lazily..went to drink a glass of milo then to the toilet where I showered about 15 minutes...the water was so warm and nice...I stayed under the running water the whole time..as I stood relaxing..I thought about my dream I had..bout my friends most of the time,bout the humiliating defeat in debate,bout how people say I act like a faggot..at6.30am came out of the bathroom..not wanting to look at my naked self as I feel disgusted and sick already although exercise so much but seems to have no effect... disappointed..quickly changed into my clothes said a morning prayer and then waited for ivan to come...off the school..Fortunately,it was still raining when we reached school,so assembly would certianly be cancelled for sure...walked straight to class..puvilan,kenny all was sleeping...went to the next class for awhile and chat with ivan and mogana bout stupid prefect,riot,teachers and crap...ntgh muchla damn boring..went back to my own class puvilan,kenny,leong ask why so moodyla,what happened,..kenny as usual look at his faggot face..I buat tak tahu..straight sit and said nothing....I thought how can puvilan be so perfect and I cant...he has a gf,his good in sports,he knows bout cars,football and stuff which I don't know at all,he's goodlooking,humble,kind,smart...how can someone be so perfect?.. how come I cant be like him...I was disappointed and sad..so the entire time I kept quiet..if I talk also people dont get me and sometimes I often offend them..so better remain silent and not talk..better to just enclosed everything within yourself then let people criticise or get offended.. I know there's something wrong with me but I still havent found a perfect person who can help and fix me yet...Im frustrated,confused and angry..not only about this..as Im writting this my father is busy shouting and complaining in the background..Im furious..always come back shout,shout,shout,complain this and that,scold,scold,scold...I just cant take it any longer..someone save me..Help..Pls help

My Friend's Wedding(Yet to be)

Well,all husband-wife relationship ofter starts with a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship...I have some friends who are already a couple as puvilan&stephanie,andrea&jerome,dahrick&some1 unknown,vivian &weisoon and more..but the best couple Ive ever seen so far is puvilan&stephanie of course^^..Let me tell you abit about them..in a relationship,most people often brag about it,telling the whole world I have a girlfriend or boyfriend,I LOVE U on the internet..on the streets and crap alot about Im no longer lonely and shit..but puvilan&stephanie is totally different..they are serious in what they are doing,they understand and aware not to go over the limit and most importantly they still treat their friends with care and likeness...although they maybe a charming couple,they do not showoff and brag about it..and that is what I really like about them..how handsome or beautiful you can be,it doesn't really matter as long as you have people around you to care and love..Im really proud and blessed to have them as my friends seriously because although in a relationship,they still take the effort to care and ask about what my problems are..and I really appreaciate it..I would like to say thank you but I cant seem to get the words out..well this is the best time then..THANK YOU!!..hmmm..now about the wedding..well Im really sure it will work out though..even from different race their parents hopefully would understand..hehe..lets see who'll be the bestman..the candidates are Kenny,long time friend with both Puvilan and Stephanie who lives opposite her house and the next candidate is..errr..unknown and unknown..meaning kenny is the bestman or the bride's maid..his wishla.>< honestly sometimes I really dont get him..he laughs out of the blues then serious then emo then keep calling me faggot,faggot,faggot...hmm..sometimes I really just hate him and it really hurts if someone keep calling you a freaking faggot a whole day..nevertheless,I think I understand enough to forgive him...he is reallly a good,loyal and caring friend although he often curses..what Im trying to say is it is fun being around him and he might not be fun or enjoyable around me because I dont talk much..maybe everyone would find me boring..too badla for me..this is life and its hard to change the way I am after 16 years living like this..I hope the best for my friends and whoever Ive not mentioned..itll be on my next blog...Nitez^^

What I would do if I got 10 wishes

1. Be hot
2. Have a loving family
3. Possess all the wealth in the world
4. Have a girlfriend
5. Be normal
6. Be sociable
7. Demolish all backstabbers and parasites
8. Remain young forever
9. Great times with my buddies
10. And lastly,I wish everyone would be happy including myself
    

My Father

Well,another argument just broke out and finally its over I hope..My father and I were never on the same page and Im sick and tired of this...when I was in primary my father told me 'I hate you..you are not like my second son'..how does this feel?..It hurts of course your own father saying this kind of words.From that day onwards,I never liked him..maybe sometimes I feel oh,he's still my father,I must try to love and respect him..but I cant seem to forget what he already apologised for..'The word hate' is still deep in my brain till now and I cant seem to ever forget it no matter how good he treats me...He's my father..my father....but why don't I love him?..Why do I hate him so much?..even how hard I try to at least talk to him..I certainly cant..If I do,most of the times an argument is all I get..I love it when he's is not in the house,I like it when he's not eating lunch,breakfast,dinner with me..I love it when he's not in my life at all...Most of the time,when he's in bad mood or anything,the 1st person he will vent out his anger is either me or my mother..but its most of the time my mother...And I cant stand just to watch my father shouting at her for nothing wrong she has done..and most of the time I side my Mum..cause I cant stand to watch her get hurt.
I hate it when he talk about religion..today my mum when to a food fair organised by a church and she bought food back for luncj..and my father said Im not eating because its from the church..wtf does that mean..If you dont want to eat just dont eat it..why need to talk about the church..ridiculuous.zzz

Being Top

Being top maybe a great thing for one but it can be suffering and boring at the same time..Well,Im top in my school academically..I like the times where I get known by teachers and friends,praised,exemplified,given extra attention^^..these all seems what everyone dreamt of maybe not everyone(only attention seekers or people who like being in the limelight)..but well it isnt a bed of roses..Why?..This is because people tend to expect more and more for you and it takes great effort,time and commitment in order to satisfy everyone...this is stressing as to stay in top form tends to pressurize me..it makes me wonder what if I fail to perform..I not only disappoint myself and most importantly my parents but people would not think highly of me anymore..Truthfully I cant face failure...failure kills me and my reputation..Once top it must continue that is my philosophy..sometimes I feel so tired,lazy just want to forget about the complicated and sophisticated equations,words,history,chemicals...but at the same time I want to be the best and always the best...lets not talk about academic..In whatever I do,I must do and be the best as in debate,robotics,quizes and more..Being 1st in the form,I nust equip myself with plenty of knowledge because as Ive said people expect you/me to answer everything..That is ridiculous though...being 1st doesnt mean or prove Im increadibly smart like Albert Einstein or some other freaking genius....Im actually dumb but people think Im smart...you ask me wheres Bigapple or whatever street in malaysia..I wouldnt even know where the hell it is..I love attention but not in the sense that getting attention for nothing,getting attention for being 1st but yet inside is hollow,it doesnt bring any satisfaction whatsoever..its just a fake/pretend.. Im working on being as intelligent as possible but it takes more than jus talking and writting in this blog..it takes determination,diligence,willingness and not only brag and brag acting like a hypocrite but doesnt do anything...(sounds like me)..swt..

Who am I?

The question we all ask ourselves is quite common I believe..why am I not better than he is?.Why cant I be like him?.Why must I be like this?...when I look at myself in the mirror, I often feel imperfect,ugly and weak...Ill start comparing to my friends..Look at me what am I,who am I?. Well what we dont realise is we tend to look more to our weaknesses than to our strength and this causes us to lose our sight of life...to lose ourselves,to pretend to be somebody we never was.. I was and I am still cheating myself and I know how it feels..to pretend to be somebody you never knew,to hide yourself in your own body is just to suffering....what we all want is to be famed,popular and wanted...to be accepted,I often do the things that are wrong..although I know that it isnt right,I would still do it to impress my fellow peers..If i don't then Ill never be wanted,Ill be unknown like a tiny organism nobody knows exist...What Im doing is actually a bad example so I hope people would not follow the way I live..What Im trying to say is to be true to yourself is the best thing you can ever have,dont care what people thinks of you or what you think of yourself..just think what GOD really wants of you..pray,listen,confess and let HIM lead the way of our lives..the choice we make or what other people make for us is not always right or maybe not at all...so its time to believe that GOD really exist and he is up there watching over us..waiting patiently for us to listen and speak..Dont pretend,be true although it maybe not be what you wish..pretending and changing the way we are would be regrettable in future..maybe you dont see it now,tomorrow or the years to come but believe me its certainly true that youll regret.......losing the person you loved is what hurts the most

Church:Somewhere To Convey Your Feelings

What is a church?Why do we go?Well,Church is a place to worship God and ask for forgiveness. Nevertheless,many people especially youths choose to go church not for the purpose of worshipping god but to socialise or look for pretty chicks..Its actually nothing wrong because I believe the house of God is able to change who we are and bring out the holiness in out hearts.. I had jus finished a youth service tonight and during the service,I felt guilty because I know that I have commited a lot of sins and I dont deserve to be here..Guilt is like a burden that clamps your feet so that your life will always be the same,unmoving,unchanging and full of sorrow and pain.. That is why we have to ask for forgiveness in church and be free of your guilt,to continue to move on in a new lease of life..But what problems I encounter is the urge to do something...when I know its wrong to do so..Ill still do it no matter what..and that sucks...I wouldnt want to purposely do something that is wrong or may hurt someone but I cant seem to control myself..the temptation,the urge really frustrates me..everytime Ill ask for forgiveness and promise not to do it again..it seems impossible for me to keep my promise..what I say I always meant it at that specific time and place only but when its all over,I tend to go back to my usual self..I say I want to change but it never seems to happen..As Pastor Rudy prayed for us,I was hoping to feel something,to feel lightheaded,worries all washed away into the river of righteousness and forgetfullness but I dont think Ive achieved that...mayb I should continue to attend youth services more regularly and trust in the lord more..Lord is my Saviour and Ill always believe so forever

How time flies

Its already Sunday after a week break..time really flies..i havent even done anything and its already the end of the week..how unfair life sometimes can be..Ive planned to study,finish of with my debate research,interact research and mayb start on my folio but I havent even completed any of my plans.When I look back in time,I wonder what I had actually done..what I can remember is I slept like a pig ,went out with my friends on Friday to watch a movie..and thats it..how can 1 week, 7 days,168 hours pass so fast??...then in a matter of time,Ill be studying in college,university and then working..the way my brother describe his working life..it really freaks me out..but i know that one day i have to go through it no matter what..But the most most difficult part is to lose your friend..its realli heartbreaking and i think i cant bare losing them when the time comes...this sucks why must time pass so fast?..why must we worry?..i like my life now enjoying with my friends though i hate school and teachers and studying...well eventually all of that is easy once I start working or elsewhere in college..The best solution now is to study hard,enjoy life with your friends at this age and live life to the max without worries..><..hope don flunk studies can ady

Parasites in Life

The rest of your life is a long time whether you know it or not its being shaped right now..You can live it on fate or make a choice..Some people think their life is so perfect but some on the other hand think life is unfair and brutal..well..both is certainly right..but in my opinion what determines your life is who you mix with..your friends...In my case Im surrounded with masked hidden friends (most of them not including the ones I trust)..that means you cant trust them because they only put up an act in front of you but behind your back they stab you with a knife.. I have friends who are parasites..hanging on to me just to suck all of my knowledge and leave me to die when Im all done..what is the solution??..I put an act in front of them..you cant do anything more..can u?.. sometimes i feel so angry that I would want to kill them there and then..but murdering is not permitted in my country..too bad...maybe they would be sucessful but it wouldnt serve any purpose because you wouldnt have any friends..if this is the life you choose then continue to become a parasite..I don care..Then I jus pray that you'll be lonely and rot in hell...If people understand the true meaning of friendship then maybe hatred among people wouldnt be so devastating...In any case..always be cautious because you never know whats going to hit you..even your best friend can turn his back on you... To me friendship is very important..I dare not hurt them or lie to them in any way..parasites exceptional... Why they are call parasites again??..because they wont even let go of whoever they cling on..they only want to cover their own backside..and push the blame on others when their in trouble..they throw you away when your no longer useful or when your down...then tend to take control of you and step your head when you give them the opportunity...Therefore..I hope that people would not think lifes so perfect..there would always be up's and down's...Parasites,i hope that you would realise that life isnt about perfection..its about friendship,love and trust

Debate Crisis

I'm damn pissed off not only because of my dumb school but also wif the damn lazy,annoying and egoistic teachers who think they know everything..Im in the debate team in my school and my english teacher{whose-name-cannot-me-named}..is an egoistic bi***..seems to think so highly of herself that her stupidity brought the downfall of our debate team..Yes,I admit Im not a professional debater whatsoever and Im a freshmen in this field but they do not deserve to kick me out of the team without telling me in the face...Ive wasted one whole day preparing for this and tonight I got news that she wants a Malay in her team..and cut me off the team..Im upset because even my fren cant even tell me straightforward..this is because he doesnt want me to be better than him and therefore I hope that he will read this so that he knows that I know what hes up to ..she says that"oh you can come for exposure bla bla bla..tommorow"...why the hell would I want to do that as tomorrow is a public holiday..and why the hell would I want to go if Im no longer needed!!!...It seems strangely dumb that the debate teacher would still want me to come...I hope that the school debate team would continue to fail until the teacher finally realise that they must learn to give in and listen to us...acting egoistic would only make people hate you and in conclusion...f*** her...

Life Goes On

Its already March..Chinese New Year is over and so is my school 100 years celebration..I really miss good old times wif my cousins and frens...its been a great year though..everything went the way it was planned..my cous,eric came back from Norway safely..we had a great time..in the club,gym,basketball..but unfortunately on the third day of new year..I had a nasty fall...my elbow had 6 stitches,the injuries on legs,hands,hips luckily are only superficial wounds..the only thing I did after the fall was pray..this was the 1st time i got admitted in the hospital and i feel great..though I was kinda shocked after the fall..cause ive never been in an accident..or been brought in an ambulance..it was a great experience though..but something that i really hoped would actually happen became reality..there was this girl..who ive been eyeing for quite some time..and i think that i really do like her..but as usual i do not have the guts to confront her whatsoever..let me tell you about myself..ive been studying all my life...never been able to socialise with anyone..and rarely been out with my frens..im always timid of doing things and afraid of people criticising me ive got a few friends since standard 1 and I take them as my best frens..but i don think they on the other hand take me as their best friend..its really pathetic to be me..i cant even talk properly in front of people and im in the debate team and i am unable to click with my frens tat make them hate me..i always think highly of myself and proud of my capability but i finally realised that life is more tough than what you think it is...and im not goodlooking or anything..that is why i lose confidence when talking to people..well continuing on..this girl sms me when i was in hospital..and i was overjoyed when she said that she was sad i was admitted..but she actually already has a boyfriend..you may think its too early for people at my age to get into a relationship but i really hope that there is someone im comfortable with who can actually listen to me...