Being Top

Being top maybe a great thing for one but it can be suffering and boring at the same time..Well,Im top in my school academically..I like the times where I get known by teachers and friends,praised,exemplified,given extra attention^^..these all seems what everyone dreamt of maybe not everyone(only attention seekers or people who like being in the limelight)..but well it isnt a bed of roses..Why?..This is because people tend to expect more and more for you and it takes great effort,time and commitment in order to satisfy everyone...this is stressing as to stay in top form tends to pressurize me..it makes me wonder what if I fail to perform..I not only disappoint myself and most importantly my parents but people would not think highly of me anymore..Truthfully I cant face failure...failure kills me and my reputation..Once top it must continue that is my philosophy..sometimes I feel so tired,lazy just want to forget about the complicated and sophisticated equations,words,history,chemicals...but at the same time I want to be the best and always the best...lets not talk about academic..In whatever I do,I must do and be the best as in debate,robotics,quizes and more..Being 1st in the form,I nust equip myself with plenty of knowledge because as Ive said people expect you/me to answer everything..That is ridiculous though...being 1st doesnt mean or prove Im increadibly smart like Albert Einstein or some other freaking genius....Im actually dumb but people think Im smart...you ask me wheres Bigapple or whatever street in malaysia..I wouldnt even know where the hell it is..I love attention but not in the sense that getting attention for nothing,getting attention for being 1st but yet inside is hollow,it doesnt bring any satisfaction whatsoever..its just a fake/pretend.. Im working on being as intelligent as possible but it takes more than jus talking and writting in this blog..it takes determination,diligence,willingness and not only brag and brag acting like a hypocrite but doesnt do anything...(sounds like me)..swt..