A moody morning...

Woke up at 6.00am..still on the bed laying down..staring at the ceiling thinking...just thinking about how schools gona be...how can I get through another day without humiliating myself or getting in anyone's nerves....It was raining heavily outside and this was indeed a good sight...raining means no assembly,meaning no duty...YES!!..I was so glad that I went back to sleep and cuddle under my blanket..zzz...6.15am my mum woke me up ask to go and wash up...walked up lazily..went to drink a glass of milo then to the toilet where I showered about 15 minutes...the water was so warm and nice...I stayed under the running water the whole time..as I stood relaxing..I thought about my dream I had..bout my friends most of the time,bout the humiliating defeat in debate,bout how people say I act like a faggot..at6.30am came out of the bathroom..not wanting to look at my naked self as I feel disgusted and sick already although exercise so much but seems to have no effect... disappointed..quickly changed into my clothes said a morning prayer and then waited for ivan to come...off the school..Fortunately,it was still raining when we reached school,so assembly would certianly be cancelled for sure...walked straight to class..puvilan,kenny all was sleeping...went to the next class for awhile and chat with ivan and mogana bout stupid prefect,riot,teachers and crap...ntgh muchla damn boring..went back to my own class puvilan,kenny,leong ask why so moodyla,what happened,..kenny as usual look at his faggot face..I buat tak tahu..straight sit and said nothing....I thought how can puvilan be so perfect and I cant...he has a gf,his good in sports,he knows bout cars,football and stuff which I don't know at all,he's goodlooking,humble,kind,smart...how can someone be so perfect?.. how come I cant be like him...I was disappointed and sad..so the entire time I kept quiet..if I talk also people dont get me and sometimes I often offend them..so better remain silent and not talk..better to just enclosed everything within yourself then let people criticise or get offended.. I know there's something wrong with me but I still havent found a perfect person who can help and fix me yet...Im frustrated,confused and angry..not only about this..as Im writting this my father is busy shouting and complaining in the background..Im furious..always come back shout,shout,shout,complain this and that,scold,scold,scold...I just cant take it any longer..someone save me..Help..Pls help