It's been a few months since I last updated. Maybe it's because I'm occupied with work and that I'm tired most of the time, so I don't really give a thought about my life. If you have not figured it out yet, I only blog when I'm sad and I think it's unfair for me to only write about the crappy things that happened but not the great things I've done and gone through. So yea, this is what I've been up to for the last 2 months.
I started working as a tutor at a home school in early July. I am hired specially to teach a girl O-levels, biology to be more specific but also help out with the other children when I'm free. At first, I was reluctant because it has been almost half a year since I finished my A-levels, and to be honest I don't remember half of what I studied. But well,since I'm free anyway, it's time to do something about my life and is it not better to work and earn some pocket money rather than stay at home and get emotional. The first week was kinda rough for me, I thought oh god,what have I got myself into,I can't control these kids and it's driving me insane. How am I going to cope with these till September I wondered. Yea,I'm that kind of person, a person who is quick to jump to conclusions and proclaim the worst in everything. I'm working with another tutor too, Sharon. I've known her for quite some time from church. She's really talkative,friendly,religious and just a fun person to be around with. I don't know her personally,ermm well I think it's safe to save I don't know anyone personally but working here has really changed my way of thinking.As days past, I grew fond of the children, some days I am really eager to meet them. Even if there are times when they just piss me off, the anger fades away when I get back home.
I'm grateful that I started work here. I don't know the reason why I have stopped being emotional and cry myself to sleep every night but I just feel that occupying myself with things just distract me from overthinking stuff. And it's great to feel happy,to smile,laugh and talk again. I feel that I don't need anyone to comfort me,to care for me and tell me it's ok, I understand I've wrote about this in my previous posts about how I need someone to truly care for me. But the fact is, I've been deluded from reality, I've been talking about how my friends don't acknowledge my existence,don't throw me birthday parties,surprises and shit but the truth is should I let them get to me? It's my life after all, I don't need them and I'm quite sure when the time comes when they have to choose between saving themselves or me, they would choose to save themselves. I'm not saying all friends are bad but generally they are human after all, we fight to survive. I like how I'm feeling now, I feel hollow, I feel that I don't really care about the people around me anymore or how they think of me. I have been pitying myself , feeling sorry about my life, yes, I'm not good looking,talented or good with my family or friends but I'm going to fight for myself, I'm going to be successful and I'm going to enjoy life. Friends come and go, you know. In the end,all there's left is you, so it's time for people to stop being hurt by what their friends say or do, they aren't going to be around us forever, friendships drift apart, kind works are spoken just to savor the moment, as time past, you'll realise how fast friends become strangers.
To people with a history of problems, all I've gotta say is the past doesn't define who you are today. It's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start doing something with your life. Work hard, prove to everyone that you can be successful. The world doesn't revolve around you, even if you tell the world about your sad past, most won't give a shit about it,some would just give temporary support, say encouraging words but how does that help you in the long run? You may feel cared for but it's only momentarily, it's up to you how to live your life. I understand that we're all humans too, we have emotions and feelings, and hence we are subjected to want somebody to comfort us, it's psychological in my opinion, some people deal with them differently, some need people,some do things that help distract them. So, needing someone is not necessary. That's it for now. I'll talk more about me later. =) Have a good day..
SS,hope you're doing well,my only reader..LOL
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